Crazy Tumblr Themes
  • my friends: how does it feel to dedicate your life to a fictional character who isn't real
  • me: pretty fucking great actually thanks

18ngay:

internetexplorers:

“you’re like a son to me”

“dad, i am your son”

Hi “your son” I’m dad

co-ver:

Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies. For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house

peace-after-revolution:

The temp controls in my fridge are the same as the ones in my heart

image

gayleaf:

you’re not allowed to wear a cotton t-shirt unless you’re a true fan! do you go to the fields and look at it? do you appreciate the agricultural implications of a gigantic cotton industry? do you understand the harvesting process? name 5 cotton harvesting machines. didn’t think so

  • 15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
  • me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance

owlmylove:

when i find stretch marks on my thighs i make a point of smooching them because they’re just doing their best at keeping the all-powerful immortal Being within me from ripping my mortal shell asunder in a blaze of heavenly glory and eviscerating the cosmos in my divine wrath

avolating:

If u have never mentally claimed food and gotten really angry when someone takes it, you are lying

vergen:

randomly compliment people because sometimes that will be the only kind words they will hear that day

dogalyst:

idk i really like being called cute but i also really like hearing that you masturbate to the thought of me idk

castieltherebel:

conquerorwurm:

computeraidedenrichmentblog:

smokywarfare:

If the multiverse theory is true, then there’s a universe where it isn’t.

Multiverse theory doesn’t cover paradoxical situations

Except in the universe where it does

i’m having an aneurysm

hotdadcalendar:

I’m actually concerned for boys who complain about how different girls look without makeup. Like did you think eyeshadow permanently alters a girls eyelid? Are you frightened when people change clothes

octobra:

sorry mom you’ve hit ask limit

jaclcfrost:

[leans against the wall flirtatiously] [leans too far] [falls over]